August 23, 2007-D.J.
I had an all night Madden marathon. It was 4:30 AM, and Otto hadn't returned to the room yet. I was pleased and content. FLIP reminded me about my scheduled helicopter flight. Bruin was waiting for me at five o'clock in a black helicopter he landed in the middle of the practice football field. I laid down in the back seat and fell asleep before Bruin finished taking off.
The first words Bruin spoke to me when I awoke were, "Your mother just died."
"What?" I was baffled.
"Your mother just died," he repeated. "That's your official excuse for classes you'll miss at JU."
"Oh, okay," I said.
"Your teachers will be e-mailing your assignments if your absence is extended, but I'll handle that," FLIP said.
"Where are we?" I looked out of the helicopter window and saw that we were surrounded by glistening ocean water.
"We are eight five miles north of Jamaica in the Atlantic Ocean," FLIP said.
"Go ahead and strap into your harness," Bruin said. "We're about 15 miles away from
Phoenix and Oncilla. You'll have to use the zip line to drop down
onto their ship."
"How did my mom die?" I asked while I strapped up.
"We'll leave that up to you," Bruin said.
"Brain aneurism," I said before I slid down the rope onto the boat below.
met me on the deck. "We missed
"This is my houseboat. Damn, y'all pimped my ship," I said.
"You like the upgrades and modifications?" said Oncilla as she joined us on the deck.
"I'm impressed. I hardly recognized her, my own boat."
"It is lavish," FLIP said.
"Hey, FLIP. We missed you, too,"
"Did you miss me more than Bat?" FLIP asked.
Oncilla nodded, and I said, "Hey, now."
It's been pretty boring out here,"
said. "Did you know your television
was broken, Bat?"
"It's not broken," I replied. "There are two loose wires in to back. To turn on the television, you have to rub those wires together."
I went down below the deck to fix the television. We watched my DVD box set of the TV show Charmed until the sun went down. It was tranquil and relaxing on the ocean. We smoked a blunt and watched the sun set below the watery horizon. After that, Oncilla and
Phoenix gave me a debriefing for the mission.
"I'd hat to put a damper on this reunion," FLIP said, "but my sonar is picking up a bogey heading our way at high speeds from the south."
"It must be the scout boat," I said.
"Estimated time of arrival is ten minutes," FLIP informed us.
Phoenix, and I scrambled
to turn all the lights and appliances off.
Then, we ducked off in some hiding spots. After ten minutes, we heard a speed boat
approach. We heard footsteps on the
deck, one set, they were alone. Oncilla
got herself into position to strike.
When our intrude came down the steps, Oncilla pounced him and covered
his face with a thick dark bag. I popped
up and delivered a three piece punch combo to his rib cage. The biscuit was a knock out punch, right
cross to the temple. By the time he
awoke an hour later from the blackout, we had securely tied him down to a
"Wake up, sleepy head," Phoenix said.
He rattled of some crude Spanish and struggled violently in his chair to no avail. I delivered a swift backhand slap across his face and said, "Cut all that shit out. FLIP, what did he just say?"
"Le me go, you bastards, or you'll be sorry," FLIP translated.
"We'll see about that, Mr. You'll B. Sorry," I said. "FLIP, translate what I'm about to say to him. Check it out. We found your walkie talkie and your weapons. We know you work for the New Age Pirates. No one has checked on you. No body is coming to rescue you, so tell us where they are!"
FLIP spoke to him in Spanish. He didn't respond. Then, FLIP told me it was likely that the pirates' ship was equipped with advanced stealth technology to jam his radar.
"So, Mr. You'll B. Sorry, your giving me the silent treatment. Take this, huuugh," I took a swing at him.
The left jab connected with his jab.
Phoenix stepped in and
pistol whipped him. I punched him again.
him in the head. I punched him yet
cracked him in the skull with a large framed picture off the wall. I punched him once more. Then, Phoenix
splashed him in the face with gasoline.
I restrained her immediately.
"Hold it now," I said. "Let's not get carried away. Maybe he's ready to talk."
"Fuck you," Mr. Sorry spoke English.
"A tough guy, huh?" I smiled. "You know we were just warming you up, right? Oncilla is the main eventer when it comes to this torture shit. Let me tell what's about to happen. I assume you're from somewhere in
South America. I know the Wu Tang Clan is popular down
there. Basically, there's been a wire
hanger over there that's been sitting on the stove for like thirty five, forty
five minutes. Oncilla is going to bend
you over and slide it in your asshole real slow. Ssssssss."
Mr. Sorry's eyes widened. Oncilla kicked his chair over. She used a small sharp blade to intricately cut a hole in the bottom of the seat to expose his rear end. Thenm she arranged him with his rump facing the ceiling. Oncilla put on oven mitts and picked up the hot hanger. She started to slide it up his but, and Mr. Sorry cried out with an excruciating yelp. Then, I heard a voice over the walkie talkie.
"Shhh, hold on," I held the radio up to my ear.